Casino Royale

Went to see Casino Royale the other night at the Arlington Cinema and Drafthouse - I didn't have much in the way of expectations but I had heard it was good. Well - I must say, after that first action sequence I was hooked and Daniel Craig instantly became the hottest man alive (which surprised me!). He is so freakin smoking in that movie that I just want to jump on him. I was prompted to write this entry because I have seen a few commercials for the DVD this evening and every time I saw it I literally felt my loins boiling - physically turned-on as if he just grabbed me and threw me against the wall and started ravaging me. Totally insane!! Perhaps it is because it's been more than a while since I've gotten any or perhaps he is just so fuckin gorgeous as Bond that I want to pounce instantly.

Either way, the movie blew my doors off - it was awesome and probably one of the best Bond movies made (when you don't factor in the original more silly format, which I love also - big Connery years fan!). He pulls the role off so well and the confidence he brings to Bond is so hot (not to mention his perfect body, me-ow!). I highly recommend everyone to see it - I will be purchasing it just so I can re-watch it and stare at his manly goodness on a very regular basis.

Worth

People's wealth and worth are very rarely related. - Malcolm Forbes

I like this quote. Makes me feel like my poor ass is actually worth something!! ;)

I'm terrible at updating....

I have no job and yet I still forget to even write a blog. I guess part of it is because I feel like no one reads it so I could just write in a journal and it would be the same effect for me. But I want to write more here, so I will be better. Let me update what's been going on:

I quit my job at BSC and last day was Jan 17. I then packed my life back up (again!) and moved back to DC where I feel I belong more-so than Cali. My brother and I drove across country which was fine - the best part was going to visit Gordon's parents in Michigan and then venturing into Canada to see Niagara Falls. I am glad we made those stops. I also saw Chicago for the first time in my life and I really want to go back when it is warmer to explore the neighborhoods. Really big city!

I made it back to CT just in time to see Amy's newborn, which I was really really happy about. It was so good to see her and I'm so excited for her now that she's a mommy. I envy what she has - her life right now is a lot of what I've always wanted for myself (a loving, unconditional husband, a house close to family, working from home, starting a family with the man she loves) - I am so happy for her and hope someday I am as lucky as she is. But that someday is far away - marriage and babies have no place in my world right now... I need a job and to get my health situated before I would even think about dating again.

So now here I am back in Virginia. I am really glad to be back, I'm just getting a bit bored waiting to hear about a job. I have some connections I am hoping will come through and I've otherwise applied to jobs online, which don't seem so promising. We'll see what happens... but I can't be unemployed too long otherwise I'll go broke!!! Esp bc Dan and Gordon and I are moving into our new home on March 20th and I will need to pay rent once my savings runs out (which is going quick with my student loans sucking the life out of me!).

Anyone want to give me a job??? Anyone even reading this? I didn't think so. Haha.

Soooo... my life now consists of sleeping, cooking, and LOTS and LOTS of Wii. I am addicted to Wii Sports and I spend many hours playing. I'm now at Pro level for Tennis and Bowling.... yeah, I truly have no life!!! Today I cooked up a new recipe - a Turkey Meatloaf. It was quite healthy and with a salad on the side it became a very fulfilling meal. I generally hate regular meatloaf, but this did not have any of the traditional ingredients. I substituted wheat germ for oatmeal or breadcrumbs and used lots of shredded zucchini in the mixture. I even sneaked some fennel seed powder into the sauce for the added health benefits. Dan claimed he could taste it, but I guarantee he couldn't with the red wine, tomatoes, garlic, and other spices mixed in. Either way, it was yummy and now I'm babbling!!! What else is there to do?? I ain't got no job!!!!

I have lots of stories to add from before I left San Francisco which I will write about soon enough. This is plenty of updating for now!

xox

Xmas party, Mind the Gap, updates...

Christmas party at my parents' house Dec 23. Come 730/8, doesn't matter. You all know the address. BYOB bc I'm poor... I'm sure there will be some punch or whatnot though... and snacks/food. Bill is going to set up beer pong in the basement, can't wait to see how that pans out! LOL!!

I'm excited to see everyone, I can't friggin wait to be in CT for 2 weeks. It better fuckin snow too.

I'll be there from Dec 21 - Jan 2. So far, I'm planning on taking a trip to Boston to visit Kara and I'm also going to be staying at Amy and Howie's for a few nights in Norwalk. I'm so excited to see Amy's belly bump - I see pics but it's still so surreal to me that my best friend is prego. She's gonna be a great mommy.... just look at how awesome I turned out cuz she was the biggest influence in my life growing up, without her I don't know who I would be. And to this day, I don't know what I would do without her!!!


So - update on me lately. I went to a yoga class with Gaby yesterday and HOLY SHIT I am so fuckin sore. I felt fine this morning... but the longer I sat at my desk the more I felt the soreness set in. My back, my hips, my shoulders. Feels so good, def different than doing yoga at home. Probably bc at home I do like 20 mins, and a class is 1.5 hours.

I borrowed the movie "Mind the Gap" from Lenny a while ago. Just watched it tonight - really really good. It is made by the guy that made Wirey Spindell (Eric Schaeffer) - I really like him and his acting too. He takes such a deep and personal look into people's lives, it is so real and genuine. Not easy to capture with a camera. While the movie has some sad scenes, it has hopeful ones too - and it's actually incredibly inspiring. There is this one part about asking forgiveness - it made me want to call all the people in my past that I did anything wrong to and ask for their forgiveness. Saying your sorry isn't always enough. I never thought about it that way, and I like the new perspective.

You should see the movie - it's really awesome. Wirey Spindell is a good watch too.

It's 12:30am, I should be sleeping, but I have some work to do before the am. They are renovating our Beale St Corp HQ in SF (where I work) and I am helping with the biz plan for the architects. Apparently people are lying about their headcount numbers and I have to give the SVP a fighting leg to stand on. YAY. One of my coworkers in my row (yes, cube farm hell) left a few weeks ago, now I find out another one in my row is leaving in a few weeks. Someone said to me today "so Brenda when you leavin" as a joke and I had to pretend I'm not. It's so hard to do, esp with my boss. She's gonna be so upset. :( But ok with me - get me the F outta here!!! I woke up this AM and just wanted to run back east right away, I'm so over this living situation. Ok, stop talking and get to work Brenda.....

get me the fuck outta here before...

i stab my eye out. people in sf drive me fucking insane (not that they are all like this - but the ones that are i wanna fuckin kick in the crotch). i can't stand people that act all "distant" to show they are superior and so fucking special and interesting that they won't tell you things about them but then when the topic comes up later they act like you should have known they are a fucking expert on it even though they never said shit before. get over yourself, no one gives a shit about you that much that you have to be all mega-private about lame shit you know about or have experienced. Or if you don't want to tell people, don't throw it in their faces later for not knowing you knew, asshole.

Ok, I feel a bit better now. Maybe I can fall asleep soon bc it's almost 4am and I have to be up for work in less than 4 hours. Fuck. I haven't had a late night like this in a long ass time - I've become such an adult with getting to bed at a semi-decent hour (before 1am typically) so this is gonna suck tomorrow when I'm tired as shit and have a ton of shit to do because it is approaching year end and i have to hound a crapload of people to make sure we will land on target. Fun. My brain is racing so much that I haven't been able to fall asleep at all tonight. I tried to sleep but I kept thinking and thinking about what was pissing me off and also what is stressing me out (moving, getting a new job, resume bullshit, MONEY, etc etc etc). I can't wait to be in a stable place someday with finances, etc. At least once I'm back in DC I can find a better job and settle in come Spring with my boys and hopefully get back to my life after this "extended vacation away from DC" I've been on since March. That's truly what it feels like - I am SOOO not a west coast girl. Apparently, I even have a New England accent! HA!

I feel like I live in Italy all over again...

Our dryer is broken in our apt (yes, we are fortunate enough to have a laundry room in our 2 story condo!) and it’s so freakin annoying bc now I have to hang all my clothes up to air dry ala Roma style. When I lived in Italy we only had a washing machine that took 1.5 hours to run and no dryer – so we would sprawl clothes all over the apt and sheets all over the kitchen chairs, a total disaster! But it certainly made me appreciate washers and dryers back here in America! Then you get used to having good washers and dryers again so as soon as one breaks it’s enough to drive you to drink! Ok, I’m exaggerating, kinda, but it’s still annoying. Rant over.

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I am so much so an East Coast gal that I cannot survive and be happy and fulfilled on the west coast… as beautiful and fun as it is. I will miss listening to the waves crashing in the ocean from my bedroom window more than anything (I’m listening now, sooo nice! I hear fog horns too). I love California, it’s an unbelievably gorgeous state… it’s just that itsy bitsy problem of being, oh, I don’t know…. Say 3,000 MILES away from home. It didn’t sound like a huge deal before I moved…but the reality sure sets in when you are going about your daily everyday routine and find your life is lacking in ways you didn’t know until now. I definitely took a number of things for granted in my life back in DC, I regret leaving a lot undone there even after living there for 3.5 years. By the time I make it back there I will have been living in San Francisco for about 10 months…. I’m surprised I didn’t make it a year out here, I actually expected to live out here for around 3 years. Things change and people grow and living allll the way out here has certainly made me realize what’s truly important in life…. And when my dad calls me and asks if I want to talk to my 2 year old niece and she asks him “who’s that?” and he has to explain “she’s Billy’s sister, your Aunt Brenda” that’s a pretty good indication that I’m living way too far away. Yes, they live in CT…. but guess what, I can’t jump in my car on some random weekend like I used to and just drive up from DC to visit my family and friends whenever I felt like it… now I have to drop over $400 on airfare and spend an entire day traveling and then bc I spent so much money I have to stay for an extended period of time and use up all my vacation days so I never get a real vacation (read: tropical relaxing vaca or trip abroad) since I spend it all catching up and spending quality time with the fam and friends I see for maybe 3 weeks a year. Run-on sentence? Probably. Point is, I know in my heart (and always have) that I want to settle on the east coast – so the longer I stay in CA the longer I feel like I am putting my life on hold. Maybe that isn’t how it really is, but it’s how I feel. There have been indications all along that I wasn’t ready to really settle in on the west coast – I haven’t moved my gym membership from VA yet and I still bank with Wachovia in DC when they don’t even have offices out here! It’s those ties that I just didn’t (and don’t) want to sever bc they bind me to HOME. Sounds irrational, I know it is, but I guess I felt something in me that was saying “no, don’t move your whole life bc you’ll have to move it all back again when you leave soon.” I didn’t know soon would be sooo soon, but I feel more at peace now that I’ve decided to move back to DC than I have since before I left DC. And what’s WEIRD about that is when I visited SF 2.5 years ago I felt so at peace here and that’s a big part of what drove me to want to live in CA…. so here I am and I’ve never felt so UNPEACEFUL. Even with the ocean waves caressing me to sleep! I believe this is what has led to my weight gain even though I eat healthier now than I have in my entire life as well as my increased back pain since moving.

I think I idealized SF in my head after that visit. I think what contributed to the intense relaxation I felt here was due to the fact that I came here only mere months after my last boyfriend smashed my heart into little itty bitty crumbs so of course a vacation away from my misery and insomnia was much needed! I think I have a habit of idealizing and romanticizing places, people, and situations so much so that I believe it will make me extraordinarily happy when that is just plain unrealistic. Ooops. At least I realize I do this now so I can stop making stupid decisions. I was happy in DC, I don’t remember being unhappy there at all… maybe a bit bored and ready for change, but that was my own laziness in not taking advantage of the city and my friends and not me needing to actually move clear across the country. But I am extremely glad that I moved here and tried it out – it was a dream of mine and now I have accomplished it and saw for myself if it was right for me. I’ve grown in ways that I could not have in DC and I don’t have to walk through life questioning what living in CA is like anymore. I’m proud of my move even though I spent (and will be spending) shit loads of cash to move again. It was worth it though!

Ramble ramble ramble. I should get ready for bed. I need to get working on my resume this week too – gotta find a new job in DC come Feb/March! Ahhh! I hate job searching, hopefully I find something that suits me more than crappy financial analyst desk jobs, I get way too bored staring at a PC all day. I think my vision has worsened even more over the last year….sucks! I really want a job where I am working with people and different projects to keep me interested and motivated. Cuz right now, I’m boredddd!!!! I think I have a problem with authority too – but that’s a topic for another post. Basically, I can’t stand my boss telling me what to do, I feel like I should be telling HER what to do – its that natural leader in me screaming to get out. I think a lot of it is the way she talks to me and LOVES to constantly remind me of my “place” in the organization. Get over yourself lady! Go back to Hong Kong and work the sweat shops – we are a non-profit, get ahold of yourself!!! Ok, I’m done.

: )

Ooooppps

I haven't been very good about blogging lately! Work has taken over my ENTIRE LIFE. LITERALLY. Last week was the worst of it - I was working til 8:30/9pm and wasn't getting home til after 10 and having enough time to quickly eat and shower and go to bed and repeat the next day. It's 2007 budget season right now - and holy fuck it's a lot of work. Nothing like it was a Georgetown, everything I do at BSC goes directly to the senior staff - the SVPs, CFO, and CEO. Everything has to be perfect. So I guess that means it's good experience - but it's totally draining!

So, I got my new license about a week ago - I was without license for almost a whole month. And that whole suspension thing wa such a mess, if I didn't have my mom to help I would have stabbed my eye out. It's SO NICE to drive again! Now I can actually leave the city and go hiking in the North Bay without having to rely on someone to want to go with me! And I'm also going to LA this month - I haven't been since April, so I'm dying to go visit my friends there.

I'm sure I had more I wanted to write here, but now that I actually have time I can't remember what I wanted to say!

OH yeah - I wanted to write about how lame I am and things such as my fish tank bring me great satisfaction lately! So, I've had fish tanks for like 8 years or more and I've never had big problems with them. I went to CT in July and came back to find my fish tank completely GREEN and cloudy! I had asked one of my roomates to feed my fish while I was gone and turn the light on for 8 hours a day.... I think she over-fed them and she never turned the light on (bad!). So, I tried to medicate the tank, but nothing worked so I had to do a complete overhaul and clean the ENTIRE tank out, even the gravel. The fish took it fine though, luckily (unlike when Dan and G changed the tank they have now with my old fish and they MURDERED THEM! KILLERS!!!). So, it was all clean and crystal clear again. A few weeks go by - and all of a sudden its green and cloudy again! I couldn't see anything in the tank, had to search to make sure my fishies were ok. So, I decided to try some different chemicals and change the food since I had read reviews that this food clouds tanks (I don't think I ever used it before I moved to CA). And guess what! I treated the tank with the new, more expensive, better chemicals and I woke up yesterday and it was almost clear!! I can't say how much that excites me and how LAME I am for being that excited about my fish tank! It just saves me sooo much trouble cleaning the entire tank again and hopefully by changing the food I have solved the problem - only time will tell.

Yes, this is the most exciting development in my life in the last few weeks. I'm a total loser.

Also, I booked my flight to CT for xmas - I'll be arriving on Dec 22nd and leaving on Jan 2. I'm excited to have such along time to spend, I'm not sure if I will be making a trip to DC or not. I'd like to, but mom is pressuring me to stay and "spend time" with them. Suuuuurrrreeee. At the very least there will be a side trip to Boston or NY, I have to see Kara bc its been over 2 years since I've seen her and that is damn unacceptable!

I must go to bed, I'm so glad Friday is tomorrow. I can't wait to get acupuncture after work and then do my weekly organic grocery shopping (omg, I'm sooooo San Francisco!) and then relax. I can go hiking this weekend too! It's also Fleet Week in SF, so Saturday might involve some sort of festivities. Speaking of SF festivities..... I went to the Folsom Street Fair a few weekends ago with Vlad, Vica, and Lenny.... it's an S&M fair.... holy interesting. I got some crazy pics of naked men dressed as piggies, women dancing in cages on cranes, and people being flogged. Shit you'd never see on the streets (legally) on the east coast. I'll have to upload some of the crazy pics at some point. This city is SO interesting!